Getting Inner Strength

I'm starting bootcamp

2006-11-08T06:15:00.000-04:00

I was given the advice to start the DJ Bootcamp to help build confidence and improve on my poor social skills.

Week 1: 50 Approaches with strangers saying "Hi", while maintaining eye contact and a smile.

This will be a little tough since I work night shifts and sleep through the day, but I guess when you get down to the numbers, that's only 7 a day for a week + 1 extra approach.

I'll keep the blog updated on my progress.

The Steps

2006-11-07T05:47:00.000-04:00

Well, like I said last entry, I'm starting a business. Actually two. I've outlined steps to start this. Be advised these are home based businesses.

Business One: A Niche of Travel Agency(I don't really want to go into detail, so no one can steal)
Business Two: Web Development Consulting

Step 1:

Get Own Apartment by November 30th.
Get a Computer and Internet by December 15th.
From the current date, until December 15th, I'll be doing research on starting a business, marketing and taxes, and by December 15th I will have completed Mission Statements, business plans and marketing plans.

Step 2:

Obtain legal status as a business by December 15th.
Print off mission statement in large print and post it at my work area as a constant reminder of what my objective.

Currently right now, I'm saving up enough money for an apartment. Rent is on the steep side here in Calgary, and I will need to achieve $1600 for first month and security deposit. At work I will be getting my next pay check on November 13th. It should be approximately $1100. I'm almost to the goal!!

Where have you been?

2006-11-06T03:49:00.000-04:00

Well...

I got to Calgary. The plane did not crash, if that's what you were thinking. When I arrived in Calgary, I was expecting to start my career in Engineering. I got off that plane with an atmosphere of optimistic thought. The job market was hot and I was going to walk in and get hired. It's funny how expectations can slap you in the face. I found out quickly that everyone was looking for experience. Shitty eh? Get right out of school, got my big degree, but can't get a job. When this become an apparent reality, I fell into a melancholic state.

I did get interviews, but none ever called back. I had one interview that completely pissed me off. It was with a large oil company(I won't name it). And I was supposed to be an interview with three people, but turned out to be a grilling of me for an hour. Fuckin' pricks. I came into this interview with a strong, confident, team player attitude. This is what I assumed they wanted. Well, I was wrong. They wanted motived slave. Well, I didn't bust my balls through some of the hardest physics taught at University, to be some bitch!

Yeah, I was frustrated. Well, I got myself pumped up. Fuck all those pricks that wouldn't hire me. I have such resentment now, if I got a job, I don't know if I'd take it now. I don't like the fact that some business is going to make profits off of my services.

I can't get a job, so I'll create my own fuckin' job!! I'm starting a business(Actually 2).

I'm working at a mall doing security work right now. I'm saving up money for first months rent plus damage deposit(Around $1600). I'm going to run the business right out of my apartment. I've been reading a lot lately on starting a business, business plans, marketing plans, etc to get myself prepared.

Are you scared: Damn right I am. But I'm going to push myself through this, and this will make me a stronger person in the future, it'll also increase my confidence, that I can do this. I was even considering doing this with a friend. The more I think about it, I feel it's more of a cop out. Yeah, it makes it easier knowing you're going down an unknown path with a friend and it's always nice to have someone to talk to about the business that will understand. But there's also bad things. If I went with a friend, would I have the same vision as them? If we don't we'll probably end up getting into fights about the way things should be done and end up hating each other. Or would he have the same desire and willpower for the business? If I thought that we needed to get up early on Saturdays and Sundays to do work, and he sleeps in, I'll probably resent him for it. And lastly, If I didn't do this myself, I'd probably never get that confidence, that I can do this.

This is my journey now. I hope this can help and/or motivate anyone who is just unsure of themselves.

Update

2006-07-20T16:38:00.000-03:00

Well, only 4 days until I'm off to Calgary.
I've been busy trying to help my mom get her financial shit in order and really trying to prepare for the move.

My mom's issues are really stressing me out and just wearing me down. They're tough and it's really tough for me to offer solutions since I would of prevented them. As well, my mother just seems to drag her feet and doesn't want to tackle the problem. Which makes it much more frustrating for me.

Anyway. Just a few more days and I'm gone.

Yeah Yeah. The computer is still not sold. FUCKIN' CHEAP SKATES AROUND HERE!!!

Calgary July 24th!!!

2006-07-14T20:59:00.000-03:00

Well, my flight has been booked. I had to book it nearly two weeks in advance to get a discount flight. But it's booked!! I'm pumped as hell.

Still haven't sold my computer. No one seems to want a decent computer at a cheap price. Dicks!!

Bored

2006-07-08T14:01:00.000-03:00

Well, I've been pretty bored lately. I'm just trying to get my shit together before I head out to Calgary. I'm planning on purchasing my plane ticket on Monday or Tuesday and it'll be for a flight probably on July 20-25ish.

I'm having bit of trouble selling my pc. I'm trying to get $500 for it, and that includes monitor, keyboard, mouse and speakers(with sub). I might have to go cheaper when it gets closer to my time to go. Sucks. The extra money will really help me, I can put it on my credit card, and pay down some debt.

I'm starting to really ram through "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand. The book is over a 1000 pages and I managed to get through about 250 pages in a couple days, which I suppose is from the boredom.

All I can do now is just keep preparing before I go. Getting my shit together. Still pissed that my friend ditched on me. For fuck sakes.

Anyway, hope you're not bored.

My Task Scheduling

2006-07-04T12:43:00.000-03:00

So lately I've been really making an effort to create a short term(Like a week or two) shopping list of tasks. I look at it everyday and try to completely the tasks.

Here's what has and will be on my agenda.

Place Ad for computer in Buy, Sell and Trade (complete)
Open bank account at PCF. Move funds into that account.
Buff up Resume (complete)
Prepare Ebay Packages (complete)
Remove links from watch
Look into solving my moms car troubles
Book flight
Get mom a card for her birthday, take her out for chinese.
Deposit $50 cheque into bank

I hope to have a lot of this gone in the next few days. Hoping to have my computer sold, so I can buy a plane ticket, than it's just the little things. Woo!

Official Flake

2006-07-01T19:46:00.000-03:00

My friend has officially flaked out as I suspected by him not wanting to commit to a date to leave. Over the last couple weeks he's saved absolutely nothing. A slap in the face for me. If he didn't want to go, he should of just came out and told me. I was waiting for him.

Doesn't matter now. He's out of the picture, and I'm getting my shit together to book a flight. Going to sell my PC first, than book my ticket.

Calgary here I come!

My list of "to-do's"

2006-06-29T19:15:00.000-03:00

Hmmm, Little things that need to be done.

Take Judo
Try a Sensory Deprivation Tank
Whiten Teeth
Update Wardrobe

For some reason this is all I can think of!!

My New Journey

2006-06-27T14:47:00.000-03:00

If you would of asked me a month ago where I was going to head, I would of said South Korea. But after some deep inner reflection, I figured out this wasn't right for me. As exciting as it would of been to travel and experience a completely new culture, it's not what I wanted out of life right now.

I was talking with a friend of mine from University and we decided that we were going out to Calgary. I'm hoping he won't flake. I guess flake isn't the right word, I hope he doesn't postpone our travels until the end of the summer. If he does, I'll head by myself.

I went to Google maps and put in the destination to get road directions I never expected. I thought Google would of kept it completely within Canada, but it did not.

I thought this would be cool since it would be a nice trip into the United States. I know this will probably be my last chance to travel into the United States without a passport. As well, with the Canadian dollar high, it may actually be cheaper on gas to travel this way.

I also spoke with my Uncle in Calgary and he said we could crash at his place until we get on our feet. Wooohooo!

Burning Desire for Calgary

2006-06-26T09:29:00.000-03:00

As Napoleon Hill said, "Desire is the starting point of all achievements." Well, I have a burning desire and I'm completely pumped for starting my life in Calgary. I don't know how much more I can wait for my friend. I just want to go out there so bad.

I got to make a little money

2006-06-22T11:11:00.000-03:00

Ummm, well. Where to start. I decided not to get a job where I am now. Unemployment is high, and pay is complete shit. There are basically no jobs for my field (Electrical Engineering). I wouldn't feel right mopping floors at minimum wage with my bachelor of science in engineering. When I first arrived home from school, I had enough money for my travels to Calgary. But as time wears on, my money is dropping. It's not dropping by a lot, but still dropping. I don't have to make a lot of money either, I just need to have some coming in.

I've had the idea to hit up thrift stores looking for cheap name brand stuff that sells extremely cheap (a couple bucks) and put them on ebay and try to turn a profit. This idea has been floating around for a couple weeks now, and I think it's time for me to act on it. I think it would be better for my self, if I worked for myself and just took it easy until it's time to move.

I'm committing now that I will start doing this on ebay.

Progress, so far

2006-06-21T12:38:00.000-03:00

Since I've been doing this for over a week I've noticed that I seem to be much more focused with the tasks at hand. I'm doing a good job at catching myself procrastinating and correcting it. Today I did some tasks that would of carried on for weeks, and got them out of the way in a relatively short period of time.

Feels good to be productive.

Goal List

2006-06-21T12:36:00.000-03:00

This is an updated version of my other goals posted. I've added some and put some thought into the old one. Last update June 21 2006.

Debt Free (Due December 31 2007)

Credit Card Debt of $500
Student Loan Debt of $32,988
Any other loans acquired along the way.

Learn French (June 30 2008)
Workout and Eat Properly (Due June 30 2007)

Reach 210lbs at 11% body fat in 12 months.

Plan & Save For Vacation to the Dominican Republic or Cuba(Due June 30 2007)

Research
Save
Book

Build a prototype wind turbine (Due December 31 2007)
Ongoing effort in starting my own business (Due June 30 2007)

Thoughts on working for myself

2006-06-21T12:34:00.000-03:00

The more that I think about it, I don't want to be an employee for the rest of my life. I don't want to start a business right now in my life, even though I enjoy working for myself on ebay. I still want to get more experience in my field of electrical engineering and work for someone else. As I get more experience I would like to start my own.

I do have strong ambitions with what I'd like to do. I want to be revolutionary with what I do and not hold back. I want to drastically improve people's standards of living and hold up to the libertarian ethics.

I do have some ieas of where to take the business and even a name. The name would be "Revolutionary Engineering". With the costs of electricity at a high and expected to continue to rise, I could make a cheap turbine people could use on their own property and not have to pay the local electrical company. I would like to build a prototype of this within a year.

My intimidating shy confidence

2006-06-21T12:21:00.000-03:00

I intimidate people. I'm actually a nice guy, but I know I just intimidate people. When I'm walking on the sidewalk when I meet other people, they'll look at me, but as we get closer, they'll end up putting their head down and look at their feet. This doesn't upset me though. Makes me feel superior.

I think it all derives from the fact that I have powerful, confident body language, yet I'm shy. One of my friends confessed to me that before we were friends he got the impression that I was an asshole. So I think it's this image I present which conveys power, with the fact that I'm shy and don't say much around new people, makes me come off as some stuck up asshole.

hmmmm....

A little into my world of thought

2006-06-20T10:07:00.000-03:00

As promised I took the time to actually write down somethings that were in my head.

I'm sort of pissed off. So I graduated from University and I'm ready to move onto the next phase of my life. I'm actually more than ready, I'm excited and want it to happen now.

I've talked to one of my friends at school, before hand, and we both agreed that we'd both go out to Alberta after graduation. We both felt it be best if we saved up a little money before heading out. After basically a month I've saved up $1600, which is enough for me to get out there and pay my share of deposit/rent. My friend on the other hand, with a better paying job, has managed to save $400, which would barely cover the gas to get out there.

I feel my friend doesn't really have the ambition I have to goto Alberta. Why do I need to goto Alberta? Well, Alberta is the booming job area. Where I currently live minimum wage is high and most jobs are minimum wage. So with my friends lack of saving ambition I sort of feel trapped. Well, I wouldn't say trapped, but delayed. I'm sort of stuck waiting for him. I know I could just go on a plane and get out there. I just feel it would be better to go with a friend because it's nice to have a friend with you when you goto a new place, aswell, we can both get an apartment and it'll make my cost of rent/phone/etc much cheaper.

I have this feeling that my friend will flake when it comes time to go. I don't have any logical reason to feel this way. He's not a person that has flaked on me in the past. I just feel that his lack of ambition is starting to make me think he's going to flake.

If he delays our plans to head out there in July, I'm just going to hop on a plane and go myself.

I've been writing down random things

2006-06-19T14:38:00.000-03:00

I haven't really been writing about myself, but I'm going to start dedicating time to do this.

But here are some random things I wrote down.

"The person who doesn't read is no better off than the person who can't read."

"We cannot live without eating, but we don't live to eat."

"We seek not to imitate masters rather we seek what they sought."

-------
For a proper presentation, I should contain the following:

Ethos: Your personal credibility. The faith people have in you.
Pathos: Emphatic side - The feeling. You're in emotional alignment with another person's communication.
Logos: The logic; the reasoning of the presentation

------
"I am the Master of my Fate. I am the Captain of my Soul." - W.C. Henley

"Our only limitations are those we set up in our own mind." - Napolean Hill

"Any man who knows less about his strengths than his limitations is in trouble." - Anthony Robbins

1 Year Goals

2006-06-16T22:00:00.000-03:00

I actually had the burning desire this evening of goals I wanted to meet and I had the desire to write them down before I lost them. I want to achieve these goals before June 2007.

Debt Free

Credit Card (Have $500)
Student Loans (Have around 20-25k)
Any other debt I may get(Maybe car loan).

Plan & Save For Vacation to the Dominican Republic or Cuba

Research
Save
Book flight and accomodations

Have & Achieve a regular workout routine and eat better
Never go a day without reading part of a book

These are some goals I had, thought I'd share.

Validating Understanding By Associating Feeling

2006-06-16T21:41:00.000-03:00

I'm currently pounding away at The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People so I can jump into Think and Grow Rich.

I was surprised as I read through Habit 5: Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

Next to physical survival, the greatest need of a human being is psychological survival - to be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, to be appreciated.

This is the desire of humans to be understand, related too, to be validated, etc. This needs is important in relating to people, making meaningful long term contacts, both in business and your personal life.

Now, what happens when you use the fourth stage of emphatic listening skills is really incredible. As you authentically seek to understand, as you rephrase content and reflect feeling, you give him psychological air.

What psychological air means is the "element" that ensures our psychological survival(See above quote). When we associate content and feeling with conversations with people we validate these people. We become more than just a stranger, but someone that really has an impact on them. This will lead to people have more meaningful conversations with you, as well as gaining the long term contacts that we all need.

For example,

>Boy Dad, I've had it! School is for the birds.
>You're really frustrated about school.

This both contains the content of school, and the feeling of frustration. Even though this feeling is negative, there still will be a meaningful connection and trust by the person.

When talking to strangers this can be applied too, but it is better to associate positive feelings with them to open them up and to associate this positive feeling with you.

For example,

>What do you do for a living?
>I'm a fitness trainier.
>Oh I bet that is a really rewarding job; taking people that want to change themselves for the better, and allowing them to reach new levels in their life, as well, they gain loads of confidence and self-esteem from your work.

This person will start to associate this good feeling as you talk and will open up to you and make the conversation better.

I also wanted to put in this last quote from the book.

The amateur salesman sells products; the professional sells solutions to needs and problems.

Most people probably wouldn't of thought that in this case, that understanding your customer is essential to selling to them. I was always just selling something, but I can now see the bigger picture.

Think and Grow Rich

2006-06-16T17:22:00.000-03:00

I just picked up a copy of Think and Grow Rich by Napolean Hill. I've heard many good things about this book. That it helped Jim Carrey go from a trailer park and low wage job to where he is today.

I'll let you know how it goes.

An Exercise

2006-06-12T10:51:00.000-03:00

I'm currently reading "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change" by Stephen R. Covey. In the book is a great little exercise I've been working/thinking about over the last couple days.

In your mind's eye, see yourself going to the funeral of a loved one. Picture yourself driving to the funeral parlor or chapel, parking the car, and getting out. As you walk inside the building you notice the flowers, the soft organ music. You see the faces of friends and family you pass along the way. You feel the shared sorrow of losing, the joy of having known, that radiates from the hearts of the people here.

As you walk down to the front of the room and look inside the casket, you suddenly come face to face with yourself. This is your funeral, three years from today. All these people have come to honor you, to express feelings of love and appreciation for your life.

As you take a seat and wait for the services to begin, you look at the program in your hand. There are to be four speakers. The first is your family, immediate and also extended - children, brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents who have come from all over the country to attend. The second speaker is one of your friends, someone who can give a sense of what you were as a person. The third speaker is from your work or profession. And the fourth is from your church or some community organization where you've been involved in service.

Now think deeply. What would you like each of these speakers to say about you and your life? What kind of husband, wife, father, or mother would you like their words to reflect? What kind of son or daughter or cousin? What kind of friend? What kind of working associate?

What character would you like them to have seen in you? What contributions, what achievements would you want them to remember? Look carefully at the people around you. What difference would you like to have made in their lives?

This is a simple exercise, but requires a lot of thought. I've been digging and still haven't come up with a competent answer to the questions. I did happen to write down a short speech I'd want a friend to say, even though it does feel incomplete.

"Chris was a great friend. He was always there for you. He always kept a smile on my face. Chris brought forward a lively energy when with his friends. He was a fun, compassionate guy tht was the heart of our clique.
I am so thankful that I was a friend of Chris. I am a better person for knowing him. He was a joy and an asset to those he knew."

Yes it's short. I need to put a lot more thought into this. I also plan to write a eulogy for myself. To help understand the things I want to be.

My Mission. My Objective.

2006-06-11T14:49:00.000-03:00

I made this blog for several reasons. First off, this is a way for me to get in touch with my thoughts. I feel sort of disconnected from my thoughts. I'm not really sure what I want out of life. I really don't know who I am and where I am going. This blog will be my journal. I've done journals before, not for my thoughts, but for dreams, exercise and diet. At first this will be difficult, like remembering a dream. My mind is blank, but as I write more and more information will come to the surface. I plan to learn more about myself through this process.

Second, there are things about me that I love and there are things about me that I dislike. I want to change parts of myself for the better. I am a shy person. I have problems talking to new people. It doesn't matter if they are male or female, I still have a difficult time. Once I get to know these people better, I tend to open up and become a regular part of the group. I don't want it to be this way. I want to be a more social person. I want to be a person that both friends and strangers would want to hang out with. I want to be fun and have a good time.

Finally, I want to be a leader. In my life now I'm passive. I'm a follower. I want to lead. I want to be a driving force. Not only do I want to be leader, I want to do it right. I don't want to step on people or project an alpha attitude by bringing others down, or stomping on them. I want to lead, be strong, driven and in control, while being respected by those around me.

This is my objective. It sort of felt good just to write this short blurb. Instead of thinking about my problems, issues and choices in my life, I got to focus just on me. The root. Thinking about the things that don't normally get the attention they deserve.